The Experts

The Experts is the roundtable discussion segment of The Red Green Show, a talk show-style segment that originally took place in the Lodge basement during seasons 3-5 of the show, where the Lodge Meeting took place. In the segment, there's a moderator, Red Green, and one other panelist. They answer viewer questions with bizarre revelations. Beginning in season 6, the segments took place in the main lobby of the lodge. Each segment begins with the moderator saying the catchphrase: "Welcome to the Experts portion of the show, where we examine those three little words that men find so hard to say: I don't know!". Red Green appears in every segment as a panelist, which is accompanied by another panelist. The moderator on The Experts always reads letters from viewers and asks the panelists a question. The panelists then answer the question in some bizarre revelation. The format is fun and quirky and I think it's a good way to organize an ask-the-experts kind of segment, usually for a piece of advice. Harold Green is the moderator for The Experts until Season 9, when he left for a job in Port Asbestos. In seasons 3-5, Harold introduced the segment completely on its own, and then starting in Season 6 and ran until the end of the series, Harold and the other moderators waited for the audience to call out “I don’t know!”, beginning in Season 10 and ran until Season 15, the panelists are sitting on the front of the car, whose headlights flashed during the introduction.

Harold Green is the moderator for The Experts until Season 9, when he left for a job in Port Asbestos. In seasons 3-5, Harold introduced the segment completely on its own, and I think it's a great idea to organize an ask-the-experts type of segment in a show. The panelists' bizarre revelations are part of the fun, and they're usually pretty funny. I like how the panelists answer viewer questions in a bizarre, humorous way. It's entertaining and keeps things lighthearted. But starting in Season 10 and ran until Season 15, the panelists began sitting on the front of a car, and its headlights flashed during the introduction.

Subjects[]

Season 3[]

Episode	Red's Panelist(s)	Subject
Maple Syrup	Dougie Franklin	A viewer asks about how to deal with someone who is sick and whether or not to see a doctor on it.
Car Pool	Hap Shaughnessy	A viewer asks about a mysterious item and its usage.
The Spawning Grounds	Hap Shaughnessy	A viewer asks if venison steaks that have not been refrigerated between fall and spring is safe to eat.
Magnetic Lake	Bob Stuyvesant	A viewer asks how to entertain his 10-year-old nephew when he comes to visit him for the summer.
Underground Parking	Glen Brachston	A viewer asks what type of food to prepare for a cookout.
The Tanks We Get	Dougie Franklin	A viewer asks about the importance of Boolean logic and computer programming.
Fire Brigade	Hap Shaughnessy	A viewer asks about the secret to living an exciting life.
The New Shirt / Casino	Glen Brachston	What do women really want?
The New Shirt / Casino	Bob Stuyvesant	What do women really want?
Green Green	Dougie Franklin	Can you recommend a good vacation spot?
Fuel Conversion	Glen Brachston	A viewer asks about the fastest, easiest was to lose weight.
The Hidden Mine	Hap Shaughnessy	Why do some people compulsively lie?
Lake Regulations	Glen Brachston	How do you tell a child their pet is dead?
Lake Regulations	Bob Stuyvesant	How do you tell a child their pet is dead?
Cross the Lake Race	Dougie Franklin	How do I get a woman's attention?
The Salmon Parade	Glen Brachston	A viewer asks how to change his/her brother who is gay.
The Funniest Video	Dougie Franklin	How do you know if you're a bad driver?
Biosphere Three	Hap Shaughnessy	How do computers work?
The Water Park	Bob Stuyvesant	I'm overstressed, how can I unwind?
The Used Helicopter	Dougie Franklin	I just wasted 10 years of my life restoring an old car, how can I find meaning in life again?
Possum Lake Regatta	Hap Shaughnessy	What does this spare car part do?
The Retirement Home	Dougie Franklin	What was the best car ever built?
Slingshot Skiing	Glen Brachston	Why did the communist system collapse and could it happen here?
The Possum Olympics	Dougie Franklin	The money and customs and strange in England, it is strange in Canada too?
Possum Lake Monster	Hap Shaughnessy	Could you explain the theory of relativity?
The Water Show	Bob Stuyvesant	My marriage is breaking up, what do you suggest I do?

Season 4[]

Episode	Red's Panelist(s)	Subject
The Beef Project	Edgar Montrose	A viewer asks how to deal with roof shingles that are cracking and curling up.
The Hydrogen Project	Edgar Montrose	A viewer asks how to deal with seagulls that ruin backyard barbecues.
The Schoolhouse Project	Dougie and Ben Franklin	A viewer asks who should be with him if he were stranded on a desert island.
The Badger Project	Dalton Humphrey	A viewer from Portland, OR, asks what would be the perfect gift for a 25th wedding anniversary.
The Electrical Project	Dougie Franklin	What's your opinion of gays in the military?
The Electrical Project	Dalton Humphrey	Is the best sandwich corned beef and cheese spread or peanut butter and banana?
The Storm Damage Project	Edgar Montrose	A window is stuck, how can we free it up?
The Ski & Golf Project	Winston Rothschild	A viewer asks how to deal with nervousness in preparing for a speech.
The Movie Project	Edgar Montrose	The local mechanics are cheating me because i'm a woman, how can I get fair service?
The Real Estate Project	Winston Rothschild	My daughter is more successful than me, how can I cope with it?
The Group Photo Project	Dalton Humphrey	How can I be sure I have enough money set aside for retirement?

Season 5[]

Episode	Red's Co-Expert	Subject
Men's Night On The Mountain	Edgar Montrose	A viewer asks how to get Hollywood to clean up its act on violent movies.
The Driving Test	Hap Shaughnessy	A viewer asks how to save the whales.
The Satellite Dish	Dougie Franklin	A viewer from Boston asks how to win back his girlfriend.
The New Doctor	Dalton Humphrey	What is the best type of wedding gift when it's the third time around for the groom and the fourth for the bride?
The Vertical Grandstand	Winston Rothschild	A viewer asks if the belief that the average person will hold down his five or six jobs in their life is true.
The Network Deal	Hap Shaughnessy	What is the greatest rock 'n' roll band ever?
Medieval Times	Edgar Montrose	My wife just left me, is she serious?
Van Go	Winston Rothschild	My son doesn't want to follow in my footsteps, what can I do to change his mind?
X Marks The Spot	Dalton Humphrey	A viewer asks what is the best age for discussing the facts of life.
The Gas Shortage	Winston Rothschild	Should I stay in school or go get my dream job now?
Trout Season	Dougie Franklin	A viewer asks how to deal with a woman who always avoids him.
The New Statue	Winston Rothschild	A viewer asks for the secret to getting a good job.
Bottled Water	Dalton Humphrey	A viewer asks what to do with a car that is damaged beyond repair.
Floating Church	Dalton Humphrey	My wife and I are divorcing, how can we fairly divide up our one good piece of funiture?
The Not-Chicken Franchise	Dalton Humphrey	How can I make my mother's birthday special?
Homemade Cheese	Winston Rothschild	My wife wants a facelift, how can I convince her she doesn't need one?

Season 6[]

Episode	Red's Panelist	Subject
The Science Fair	Hap Shaughnessy	Is it true that basketball was invented by a Canadian?
Sedgwick The Tenant	Arnie Dogan	A viewer asks how to take risks without losing his girlfriend.
The Driving Lesson	Dalton Humphrey	A viewer asks how to get her husband to eat a balanced diet.
The Tax Refund	Winston Rothschild	A viewer in Cincinnati, OH, wants to save her car rental business.
No Church	Kevin Black	A viewer is considering buying a cottage in the Possum Lake area.
The Petting Zoo	Hap Shaughnessy	A viewer wants to know how much of a person's traits is inheritable.
Good Government	Kevin Black	The drinking water at out new cabin tastes rusty, is there anything I can do?
The Poker Game	Arnie Dogan	I have failed at all my attempts to have a career, is the world against me or what?
Maxi Golf	Buzz Sherwood	I'm sick of crime and thinking of moving to Possum Lake, is there much crime where you are?
Bernice's Birthday	Kevin Black	I there a cheaper way to heat a country home?
The Church Casino	Hap Shaughnessy	I have learned a lot about animals, should I change by college major to suit that?
The Love Boat	Hap Shaughnessy	I'm having trouble with bullies at school (from Harold)
The New Lease	Hap Shaughnessy	Do you think television is a load of crap?
The Baseball Tryouts	Arnie Dogan	I'm not sure I want to carry on the family business (exotic dancing)
30 Minutes or Free	Winston Rothschild	I don't have much fashion sense, can you help?
Fund Raiser	Dalton Humphrey	Why are men bad at word games like scrabble?
Real Estate	Dalton Humphrey	When I ask my husband to run errands for me why does he always forget?
The Suits	Hap Shaughnessy	What is is like to be famous, and do you know anyone who is?
The High School Reunion	Winston Rothschild	How can I get the job of my dreams?

Season 7[]

Episode	Red's Panelist	Subject
Running Of The Bulls	Hap Shaughnessy	A viewer asks if there is life after death.
The Strange Ranger	Dalton Humphrey	A viewer asks about "empty nest" syndrome.
The Movie	Ranger Gord	A viewer asks about camping etiquette.
The Stool Pigeons	Winston Rothschild	A viewer asks whether to vacation in Europe or just North America.
Let Me Count The Ways	Winston Rothschild	A viewer asks how to appreciate his wife's fruit preserves without actually eating them.
The Splinter Lodge	Hap Shaughnessy	A viewer asks if it's true that astronauts grow as much as an inch in space.
The Good Old Hockey Game	Mike Hamar	A viewer asks how she can get her family to turn the TV off during dinnertime.
The Town Mall	Buzz Sherwood	A viewer asks how to deal with a teenage son that is turning into a rotten kid.
The Winter Carnival	Ranger Gord	A viewer asks about the seriousness of a snake bite.

Season 8[]

Episode	Red's Panelist	Subject
Harold's Leaving	Ranger Gord	How does lightning affect one's memory and personality?
Neither Rain Nor Sleet	Mike Hamar	A viewer asks how to avoid attending a high school reunion.
The Cult Visit	Hap Shaughnessy	Hap suggests a viewer take up motorcycle jumping to get into shape.
The New Monument	Earl Battersby	A set of twins wants to know if telepathy is real.
Free Apricots	Ranger Gord	A viewer has a recurring dream that he is Ranger Gord.
Better To Give Than Receive	Mike Hamar	A viewer asks how to get her husband to stop buying her expensive gifts.
Town Services Contract	Mike Hamar	A viewer asks how to protect a home from intruders.
It's A Wonderful Red Green Christmas	Mike Hamar and Dalton Humphrey	"Is there a Santa Claus?"
It's A Wonderful Red Green Christmas	Dalton Humphrey	A viewer asks about the traditions of Christmas.
Mad About You	Dalton Humphrey	A viewer asks if the family is a man's problem or if it's the man himself.
Bingo Was His Name	Ranger Gord	A viewer really adores Ranger Gord.

Season 10[]

Episode	Red's Panelist	Subject
What a Dump	Dwight Cardiff	How often to walk a new puppy
Man of the Year	Dalton Humphrey	I think I have the solution to fix my life, it time travel possible?
Twinning	Brian Jacobs	Any suggestions for a eulogy to give about a family member hardly ever seen
Lunar Eclipse	Dwight Cardiff	What can I do to correct my son's laziness?
DNA All the Way	Brian Jacobs	I'm lazy and not graduating anytime soon, what do you suggest for a career?

Season 11[]

Episode	Red's Panelist	Subject
Gladiator	Harold Green	I'm a happily married man yet I've fallen in love with another woman
The Whooping Crane	Harold Green	A viewer asks about problems with body odor.
Back To Nature	Dalton Humphrey	I just got a home barber kit, now I need hats for my whole family
Viva Las Possumus	Dalton Humphrey	A viewer asks about a guy who has 12 wives.
The Chainsaw Races	Dwight Cardiff	A viewer asks for tips on skydiving
Something in the Heir	Harold Green	I like to keep up with new fads, tell me about the internet
Mike Goes Straight	Harold Green	A viewer asks how to deal with his/her daughter marrying a moron.
Xmas In July	Mike Hamar	A viewer asks what to do when one discovers a wallet full of money.
Masquerade Marathon	Dalton Humphrey	A female viewer asks about her husband's bad eating etiquette.
Red Green Does New Years	Dalton Humphrey	The history behind "Auld Lang Syne".

Season 12[]

Episode	Red's Co-Expert	Subject
Day of the Sunflowers	Mike Hamar	I got my wife a power tool for her birthday, where did I go wrong?
Possum Lake Provincial Park	Dalton Humphrey	Should I get a hearing aid?
A Lot Like Christmas	Hap Shaugnessy	Does Santa really exist?
Never Send a Man	Dalton Humphrey	I'm bothered by my horrible neighbors
Power Struggle	Mike Hamar	My teenage son is acting up, what can I do about it?
Mr. Possum Lake	Mike Hamar	I've decided to grow facial hair but I can't decide what kind
The Moosetrap	Winston Rothschild	Can you tell the status of a couple by where they are seated in a car?

Season 13[]

Episode	Red's Co-Expert	Subject
The Earring	Dalton Humphrey	Men don't share their feelings, why aren't women like that?
Mailbox Wars	Mike Hamar	What do you think my nightmare means?
The Boat Ramp	Dalton Humphrey	A younger woman is chasing me, has this ever happened to you?
Comrade Harold	Dalton Humphrey	How does feminine intuition work?
Spokesman Red	Hap Shaughnessy	I'm considering cryogenics so I can see the future
The Chain Letter	Harold Green	What is the best way to stay warm this winter?
The Sinkhole	Charlie Farquharson	My adult son is back home, how long do I have to stand for it?

Season 15[]

Episode	Red's Co-Expert	Subject
Exit Stag Right	Glen Brachston	How do I prevent another heart attack?