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The Bad Check-Up[]

Season 2, Episode 31

Glen no longer can drive his RV, while Noel tells everyone they should work out.

Cast (in order of appearance):




Opening Segment[]

In The Lodge[]

(Harold is sitting at card table folding envelopes; Glen is laying on the sofa moping; Bill is fixing a bucksaw behind the sofa)

Glen: Life stinks, and that's the whole deal. Life stinks.

Harold (mumbling): Ya, just ask your feet.

Glen: What's that?

Harold: Oh, I said you should be up on your feet. You know, moving around, The ol' circulation goin'

Glen: Why? Docter just gave me a death sentence Harold. That's what it is ya know a death sentence. She might as well pull out a shotgun, put it beside my head, and blow it right off.

Harold: I don't think general practicionors can do that! Hwuh huh huh huh. She only said your outta shape. She didn't say your'e gonna die, Glen!

Glen: She said I couldn't drive my RV anymore, I mean, it's, it's worse than dying! Phfftt I mean WHAT ELSE do I have in my life?

Harold: Well You own and operate the only marina for 20 miles!

Glen: Ya, but it's on the lake. (Noel walks in)

Noel: Bill! Have ya' seen Glen Brackston? (see him on sofa) Oh! (Jumps over sofa & Glen to other side) Hey, Glen-O, huh? Hey, up 'n at 'em! Hut, hut, hut, Let's go at it!

Glen: Drop dead, Noel. I'm about to.

Noel: Hey! Shape up, man. We're gonna get you back in the driver's seat! Look what I brought! (runs over and picks up tube-like object.)

Harold: Whoohoo! Woh! I've heard about these diets! I'de rather stick your fingers down my throat!

Noel: This happens to be a simple, portable, muscle machine. Let me demonstrate. (put's middle of tube under foot; pulls ends upwards) Pull. Pull. (It slips ant hits him in the privates) Puy!

Glen: (Noel breathes hard and stumbles around) So what? I gotta sack myself with a hose, to get in shape Noel?

Noel: (still stumbling around) No. Aah. No no that was an accident. Hahw. But, aah, I can garauntee, that in 2 week, you can have a body like mine!

Glen: O, great! He's gonna saw off my legs!'

Noel: How fun. Thank you very much! I'll have you know, mister, (poses) that i'm in terrific shape. Harold! Come on over here. Try to hurt me!

Harold: Hwuh. No! No no no no. No, I know this one this is where you tear out my heart 'n show it to me before I die. I think enough girls done that to me already, thanks very much.

Noel: Smart lad. Red! (Red walks in) come on. Try to hurt me.

Red: Alright. Your short 'n ya can't get a date.

Noel: I meant physically.

Red: No thanks. I'm gettin' a drink.

Noel: Bill! Get over here. Try to hurt Me. (Bill strolls over and in one swift movement kicks Noel in the knee, then walks away)

Noel: Hwah! 0w! (stumbles around; Glen chuckles) I meant with your hands! Wow! I wasn't Ready!

Glen: Heheh. Hey, if you were gonna get mugged, they'd have to phone ahead & make a reservation! Heheh!

Eddie: Okay! (eddie appears in screen) Who'd like a butter tart. (looks around, everyone else pretends to ignore him) {sigh} Store bought! (Everyone suddenly gets up to get one)

Everyone Simultaniously: Oh yeah. Sure, I'de love one. Sounds great. Excellent! (Noel screams 'Hiya' & karate kicks the platter straight up out of Eddie's hands)


Noel: This man (points at glen) does not need a Buttertart! Okay? Ya might as well have taken one and jammed it right into his heart!


Glen: I thought you said they were store bought?

Eddie: O well you wouldn't have noticed the diferrence!

Noel: I'll have you know, Glen, has given up junk food.

Glen: Woo. Woo. Noel. Since When?

Noel: Since you decided to lose 20 pounds 'n shape up, ya pathetic blubber butt! (Harold giggles)

Glen: (turns and looks at harold) What are you laughing at, Tubby?

Harold: huh, who ME?

Glen: Ya look, you got a body like a sack of tapioca! (eddie laughs and yells Tapioca!)

Harold: Oh, Yeah! You should talk eddie!

Eddie: Who, Me?

Harold: Yes, You! The Government asks ya to list your first three ingredients, you'd have to list Fat, Fat, Fat!

Eddie: (Red laughs) And what are YOU laughing at!

Red: Who me?

Eddie: Ya, I mean, you put on another five pounds you'd have a gravitational field! (Bill chuckles)

Red: what are you laughing at. Don't say who me. You wear those jeans out one more time you'd have nine separate pieces of denom!

Noel: okay. Okay! Alright I think we established that your'e all a little overweight. SO CAN WE GET STARTED! Now, asume this position! (poses)

Red: Well, let's just asume I asumed it. Oh, and don't dent the floor you guys. (red walks away)

Noel: Okay. Fine. Harold. Bill. Brackston. (Glen Lies down on sofa again) Are we not going to turn our bodies into (poses again) Lethal Weapons?

Campfire Song[]

At Night you'll see the men sittin' out on the porch / Chewin n' spittin in the light of a propane torch / They chew n they spit till the morning light /' In the future when they eat muskrat they'll remember to marinade it first /

Handyman Corner[]