'''RED GREEN:''' Look at that! Is that beautiful or what? You got the hot dogs on there. Over here, of course, we got our chicken. ''{takes a spatula, removes a burger and puts it on a bun}'' By golly, I think you know everybody loves a burger, don't they? Either plain or... Hey, let's got first class here and throw a hunk of cheese on there. ''{puts a slice of cheese on the burger}'' By golly! ''{chuckles; takes the shampoo bottle of ketchup and puts it on the burger}'' We got our condiments in this area here, and I'll tell ya something... ''{puts the other bun on the burger}'' you gotta remember, if the women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy. ''{holds up burger}'' Look at that, there's an American standard.
===Red's Sage AdviceMidlife===
'''RED GREEN:''' Want to take a minute and talk to some of you older fellas out there. Maybe another driver called you a moron. Maybe had a run-in with a bad sales clerk. Maybe an annoying coworker or even a rotten relative. You start asking yourself the question, "Am I totally surrounded by stupid people?" The answer, of course, is, yes. Oh, yeah. You know, you're one of the last smart people in the whole world. Now, kids today don't know near as much as you did when you were their age. Every generation of relatives is denser than the last. Heck, they're not even making dogs as smart as they used to. Oh, yeah. You, sir, are the last outpost of intelligence. So you let them call you an idiot and you let them laugh at you, eh? Who's the guy that got 17 years outta that car, huh? Who's the guy with the greenest lawn on the street? And aren't you the one who got all your Christmas shopping done in July? At a yard sale? So who's the idiot now, eh? Who's the moron now? And if you're as smart as you think you are, you won't answer those questions. Remember, us morons are pulling for ya. We're all in this together.