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1995 Season, Episode 117 (Transcript | Credits)
Bottled Water Ep. Guide The Not-Chicken Franchise

After a near-death experience, Red ponders going back to church. Services are ultimately put out on the lake.

Cast (in order of appearance): Harold Green, Red Green, Stinky Peterson (mentioned), Moose Thompson (mentioned), Bill Smith, Dalton Humphrey, Anne-Marie Humphrey (mentioned), Buzz Sherwood, Junior Singleton (mentioned), Ranger Gord

Segment Summary[]

See also: Transcript

Opening Words: Women enjoy church. Men enjoy Sundays.

Plot: Red explains that he and Stinky Peterson have gone fishing when a big wave of water suddenly comes along and capsizes their boat. Red sends a quick prayer to God saying that if He saved him, he would go to church the next Sunday. Then a hand lifts them out of their boat and Red sees the light at the end of the tunnel. Harold says that he needs to keep his end of the bargain and go to church, but Red argues that it was, in fact, Moose who lifted them out of the water, and the light at the end of the tunnel was where the sewer emptied near the lodge. Harold tells Red that Moose was really just God's tool in their rescue. His argument is so spirited that Red is finally convinced that he must go to church. Church services are going to be put out on the lake, where most people would be going fishing. Harold expects to see Red there. Red then decides to turn the services into an event, with an appearance by a guy who holds religious-themed signs-up at local sporting events and also some fireworks, all in an effort to make money off of the services. The results are, literally and figuratively, explosive.

Adventures With Bill: Bill gets into a martial arts match with Harold.

The Experts: Dalton tries to answer how to fairly divide one good piece of furniture between a divorced couple.

Red's Campfire Songs: The dangers of halitosis.

Handyman Corner: Red makes himself unsinkable.

Visit With Buzz Sherwood: Buzz is engaged in a new sport called whitewater para-air skiing.

The Possum Lodge Word Game: Dalton tries to guess the word "job" to win 45 cents.

Red's Handyman Tips: Red demonstrates, in alphabetical order, the many uses for a hammer.

Visit With Ranger Gord: Gord has just received a promotion.

Male Call: Red gives his view on Canadians who speak French.