The Not-Chicken Franchise

Red and a friend of his start up a fast food restaurant called "I Can't Believe It's Not Chicken".

Cast (in order of appearance):, , , , ,

Segment Summary
See also: Transcript

Opening Words: Women enjoy good food done well. Men enjoy fast food done cheap.

Plot: Red says the former postmaster for the Possum Lake area, whose name is Lucky Balderson, is opening up a fast food franchise in the area and Red will be doing the ads for him. Red even invites Harold to help out as a director, though the pay might be in the form of food. Unfortunately, Red says Lucky was unable to get a franchise as Possum Lake was deemed too small for such a business. Undaunted, Red decides start a fast food franchise with Lucky called "I Can't Believe It's Not Chicken!". Harold says Red should be careful about promoting the franchise, but Red insists that he is only investing his name and reputation, which Harold thinks does not amount to much. Later, Red criticizes Harold for doing an excessive amount of retakes for the fast food commercial, which Harold dismisses as striving for perfection. Soon after, Red announces that the ads for the restaurant are generating a huge response, which Harold claims are the worst. But Red insists that business is booming due to the ads. Red then adds that Lucky is thinking of starting another franchise, different than "Not Chicken". Red adds that the Not Chicken restaurant has failed after running a contest where customers guess what they are eating and get their meal free if they guess right. A visiting zoologist guessed correctly what was in his meal and the health inspector closed the business down. Undaunted, Red plans to open a floating restaurant called "I Can't Believe It's Not Fish" and they plan to give away action figures and pogs as prizes to the customers. In the end, Red winds up burned and blackened because the restaurant caught fire out on the lake when it spontaneously combusted and everything burned right down to the water line.

Adventures With Bill: Bill plays soccer as a way to get the new fast food restaurant for a sponsor.

Visit With Ranger Gord: Gord shows the right and wrong ways of putting out a campfire.

Red's Campfire Songs: Women should date ugly guys.

Handyman Corner: Assisted by Harold, Red makes a neon sign for the new restaurant.

Midlife: How to look good.

The Possum Lodge Word Game: Hap tries to get Red to guess the word "friends" to win a mismatched set of ashtrays from the Possum Lake Hotel and Mortuary.

Red's Handyman Tips: Red shows how to use power tools to clean up their extension cords.

The Experts: Dougie advises someone how to make his mother's birthday when he is released from prison.