The Retirement Home/Transcript

The complete transcript for The Retirement Home

Title sequence
''{"The Red Green Show" intro plays. After introducing the characters, the scene cuts to a shot of Harold standing in another room of the lodge, standing behind a table with a sign on it reading "Guest For The Presidency".}''

RED GREEN: {voiceover} This is Red Green. In today's show, Harold runs for student council...

''{Cut to a shot of Red opening up the hood of Bill's car, which is overheating. Sparks fly from the engine as he opens.}''

RED GREEN: {voiceover} Bill runs for cover...

{Cut to a shot of Red dressing Harold's hair with the shell of a TV monitor and some batteries for curlers, which explode in small sparks.}

RED GREEN: {voiceover} And I'm gonna show you how to make a whole hairdressing salon.

''{Cut to an exterior shot of the lodge. Several gunshots appear in the screen, then one last gunshot shatters the screen outward.}''

Intro
{The camera walks out from a back room and looks at several items before arriving in the main lodge room, while Harold introduces the show.}

HAROLD GREEN: And now here's the head honcho, and the stomach honcho, the CEO Of the I.P.B., if you like a man of letters, not that he reads them, my uncle, the star of the show, Red Green!

''{Red walks into the lodge and waves as the audience cheers. He holds a hammer in his hand. Harold cheers and applauds.}''

RED GREEN: Thank you very much. Thanks for tuning us in. {turns to Harold} Hello, Harold. Is there anything you'd like to say before we get started? Maybe an apology?

HAROLD GREEN: No, thank you. I'll let my electronic editorial effects machine do all the talking.

''{Harold plays his switcher. A shot of him is shown swinging around on the screen as it flies over the lake. He laughs.}''

RED GREEN: {turning back to camera} Amazing that he'd do that while I'm holding a hammer, isn't it? Big, big week up at the lodge this week. Old Man Sedgewick has announced that he wants to get back to nature, and we're all in favor, and the sooner, the better.

HAROLD GREEN: {walking up to Red, surprised} Old Man Sedgwick is leaving the lodge?! {laughs} That ought to bring the average age down by about ninety years. {giggles}

RED GREEN: {to Harold} Yeah, and it'll have the exact opposite effect on the average I.Q. But he'll still be around, Harold. {to camera} He's bought a cottage up on Rock Reef Point.

HAROLD GREEN: {giggles} Uncle Red, there are no cottages up on Rock Reef Point. There's just, like, well, rocks and that reef and... that little point. {wiggles fingers}

RED GREEN: {nods} Just like your head, Harold. No, he's having the cottage built.

HAROLD GREEN: By who?

RED GREEN: {to Harold} Anybody with a tool. Yeah, he bought one of them "pre-flab" kit cottages. {back to camera} The cottage company come up there, and they dumped off a whole load of lumber and insulation and shingles and a little bag of silica gel with a note saying, "Some assembly required".

HAROLD GREEN: That's great! Oh, this is great, you know? 'Cause we could have like a barn-raising thing! You know, the way the Quakers used to do? {giggles} Only without porridge.

RED GREEN: {nods} Yeah. Yeah, actually, we figured we'd get all the guys up there. We'd get the cottage up in maybe less than a day. And we invited the wives to come up and bake pies, you know? But, of course, they're all away in Las Vegas at a networking seminar.

HAROLD GREEN: I hope you read the instructions this time. Junior Singleton still has the scars from the hot tub kit.

RED GREEN: Oh, Harold, the instructions are a book. At Old Man Sedgewick's age, he doesn't have that kind of time. We'd end up just building one closet and then burying him in it.

HAROLD GREEN: I don't know, Uncle Red. You end up with nothing but trouble when you guys do things by the seat of your pants... Or in the seat of your pants.

RED GREEN: Aw, you worry too much, Harold. In a couple hours, there's gonna be a cottage up on Rock Reef Point that'll knock your eye out.

HAROLD GREEN: I'm sure it'll knock several people's eyes out.

Red's Campfire Song 1
{Red plays guitar while Harold joins in by clicking two spoons together.}

RED GREEN:
 * I remember one morning,
 * I arose from my bunk.
 * Everybody thought
 * I'd been sprayed by a skunk.
 * They got the tomato juice
 * And scrubbed me to death.
 * But it turned out to be my breath.

Handyman Corner
''{The "Handyman Corner" title appears. The camera pans through another part of the lodge, where Red is standing behind a workbench. On the workbench are a TV and a toaster. A roll of duct tape is sitting on top of the TV.}''

RED GREEN: This week on, uh, Handyman Corner, I got something a little bit different for you. I got an anniversary coming up, and I want to do something... uh, do something special. So I thought I'd create some special gifts that you could give, say, to your wife or maybe your girlfriend or even that very special woman in your life, or all three, you know? So, I'm thinking to myself, "Well, for starters, maybe we could create our own special kind of lady shaver." {looks offscreen and waves} Come on in here a minute, Harold, will ya?

''{Red takes the roll of duct tape. Harold appears and lifts up one of his pant legs, revealing his leg underneath. He puts his foot on a chair nearby with his leg exposed. Red removes some duct tape.}''

RED GREEN: And I'm thinking to myself, "Why don't we just use duct tape to, say, shave a leg?" 'Cause it takes a long time to shave a leg, doesn't it, Harold? {Harold glances at Red} Just kidding you. {pulls off a strip of the tape} All right, so, you get a piece of duct tape, and then, all of a sudden, you got no cream to worry about, no sharp blades, and no messy clean up. {places the strip of duct tape on Harold's leg} You just stick her on there and just snap it right off. Like this.

''{Red quickly yanks the duct tape off of Harold's leg, leaving a bare patch of skin, where the hair on Harold's leg once was. Harold winces in pain, but says nothing.}''

RED GREEN: That didn't hurt, did it?

HAROLD GREEN: No.

{Gasping for breath, Harold turns and walks off as Red looks at the hair on the duct tape strip.}

RED GREEN: Boy, looks like a throw rug.

''{As soon as Harold is out of view of the camera, he starts screaming in pain. Red glances toward Harold.}''

RED GREEN: Oh, well. How about making yourself a professional salon-style hair dryer? {gestures toward TV set} All you need is an old TV set. But you got to get the picture tube out of her there. And you need a screwdriver. Unscrew it at the back.

''{Red picks up a screwdriver, but he accidentally bumps his elbow against the TV. In doing so, he knocks the set off the worktable, and it hits the ground so hard that it smashes and shatters the glass. Red looks down and then glances back to the camera.}''

RED GREEN: Done.

''{Red bends down and picks up the TV set again. The glass has been shattered and the tubes inside smashed.}''

RED GREEN: All right. {dumps out the smashed glass and tubes onto the worktable} Save all the electronic components there because... {finishes dumping out the contents, leaving the now empty screen shell} next week, we're gonna build a laptop computer. {takes toaster} And you're also gonna need an old toaster, but all you need is the stuff out of the inside. Keep the case, 'cause when we build the computer, this'll be our dual floppy drive. All right, once we get the heater and the timer out of the toaster, get them mounted inside the TV set, {picks up a desk lamp lying off to the side} we put that whole deal onto this fancy-looking desk lamp. And what we have there is a very professional-looking, uh, hair dryer, that thing you see there in those real super-duper salons that smell kind of funny. So I'm just gonna go ahead and keep working on this. You guys get back to the show. And, uh, when we come back in here, maybe we'll try this whole rig out on Harold. I think it'll be "Vidal Bassoon, look out." {finishes emptying the glass and tubes out of TV}

The Experts
{Harold stands in the lodge basement beside a table.}

HAROLD GREEN: And now it's that part of the show where we get to expose those three little words that men find so difficult to say: "I don't know."

{Harold laughs, as "The Experts" title appears, and Red and Dougie emerge from behind a door in the back and enter into the room.}

HAROLD GREEN: And today, claiming to be experts are my Uncle Red and, of course, Mr. Dougie Franklin!

''{Red and Dougie wave. They all sit around the table. Harold picks up a letter.}''

HAROLD GREEN: "Dear Experts, I'm hoping you can answer a question which has been tearing my family apart and destroying my marriage. The question is this: what was the best car ever built?"

DOUGIE FRANKLIN: Oh, boy. That is a tough one. You know, that really is, I think, one of the core questions of our time. That strikes deep into the human psyche. Boy, I don't know. Whoo! That's tough.

HAROLD GREEN: Which was the best car?

RED GREEN: Oh, yeah, Harold. A person's choice of car is a window to their soul. Now, I have the Possum Van.

DOUGIE FRANKLIN: I got my monster truck. Yeah.

RED GREEN: And you got your rollerblades. {Harold laughs}

DOUGIE FRANKLIN: Oh, yeah. You know, I think it was Jean-Paul Sartre who really kind of best exemplified the existentialist view, ou know? Now, of course, he had one of them Renault kit cars, you know? The ones that you build yourself, you know; kind of an attempt to know the unknowable, you know? And it come with these instructions that had kind of a tautological-logic loop. So, you know, he never did finish the rear suspension on that baby. But, uh, you know, he did come to the conclusion that essence precedes existence. Therefore, you know, I mean, {makes "air quotes"} "best" is really what you'd have to say is a subjective measurement based on the observer's frame of reference.

''{Dougie nods towards Red, who stares in confusion, along with Harold. After a beat, they finally get what he's saying.}''

RED GREEN: Right.

HAROLD GREEN: Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Haw! Okay, well, so?

DOUGIE FRANKLIN: So, the best vehicle for Red here would be the Possum Van. For me, it would be the monster truck. And for you, it would be them, uh, water wings.

HAROLD GREEN: Rollerblades?

DOUGIE FRANKLIN: Rollerblades.

HAROLD GREEN: Haw! But, you know, all you said kind of makes you wonder, y'know, something like, what would Plato drive? {giggles}

DOUGIE FRANKLIN: {shrugs} A Buick LeSabre.

The Harder the Fall
''{Red is buried under a pile of leaves in the autumn, with only his head and hands sticking out. He reads from a book.}''

RED GREEN: It is autumn. We walk hand in hand, my wife and I. Our love is like music. Now and then, a string breaks. And what were once sharps are now flats. Our love is like a fretless bass. We've been playing it so long, we know exactly where to put our fingers.

Handyman Corner 2
''{Red has attached the shell of the TV set (with the toaster controls inside) to the desk lamp. Harold sits in a chair next to the worktable, with 9-volt batteries in his hair.}''

RED GREEN: All right, it's time to make beautiful hair! Now, uh, {points to batteries in Harold's hair} I've used some of the old 9-volt batteries here as... they make dandy hair curlers. And, uh, I put them on with duct tape, but you could use, say, hairpins or a glue gun or screws, you know? Is your hair wet there, Harold?

HAROLD GREEN: No, it is not.

RED GREEN: No, I didn't think so.

''{Red takes a bucket of old water and pours it on Harold's head. The batteries start crackling and buzzing. Harold sits nervously.}''

RED GREEN: Now, just imagine that was a $50 cut, cream rinse, and set.

HAROLD GREEN: Uncle Red, m-my– my head's tingling. Were those batteries dead?

RED GREEN: Don't worry about it, Harold. I'm gonna set the heat on the toaster now... {turns on the toaster in the TV} and pump her down. {pushes down on lever on the side} There we go. {moves TV-toaster hair dryer over Harold's head} Now, easy now, Harold. Easy, easy, easy. Set her right in there. ''{puts it over Harold's head fully} Beauty, beauty. Now all we have to do, Harold, is wait. You want your legs shaved while we're waiting?

HAROLD GREEN: No, thank you.

{Suddenly, the toaster lever springs back, releasing a spring from the hair dryer.}

RED GREEN: Okay, you're done.

''{Suddenly, sparks explode from the hair dryer area, leaving puffs of smoke. Startled, Red pulls the dryer off of Harold, who now has more curly hair than usual..}''

RED GREEN: All right, okay, Harold. Good.

''{The sparks continue to explode and create smoke, but they're not coming from the dryer. Instead, the explosions are coming from the batteries in Harold's hair.}''

RED GREEN: Whoa, whoa! Whoa, there, Harold!

HAROLD GREEN: Haw! How do I look? I look okay, right?

RED GREEN: {grabbing a fire extinguisher} Well, let me just put a little mousse on that.

{Red sprays the white stuff on Harold's hair to stop the sparking and smoking from the batteries.}

HAROLD GREEN: What did you do that for?!

RED GREEN: {to Harold} Well, I was frosting your tips there, Harold, that's all. {to camera} Well, there you have it. So, remember, if the women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy.

{Harold notices some liquid dripping down his face and reaches up to his hair to feel.}

HAROLD GREEN: Is that water still dripping?

RED GREEN: Uh, no, that's battery acid, Harold.

HAROLD GREEN: {taking a drip and tasting it} Oh, yeah, yeah. {Red looks under the TV side of the dryer}

Visit With Joshua Twofeathers
''{Red meets Joshua Twofeathers at the reservation near the lodge. The latter is trying to pitch a tent.}''

RED GREEN: {narrating} I went to ask Joshua for help, but he was all tied up on some land deal. {to Joshua} Well, I guess that means you're gonna be too busy to help Old Man Sedgewick. He's building a cottage up on Rock Reef Point, you know?

JOSHUA TWOFEATHERS: {pointing to Red} Rock Reef Point is not zoned for cottage, Red. It's a bird sanctuary.

RED GREEN: {surprised} What? Are you sure?

JOSHUA TWOFEATHERS: Yeah. I tried to buy it once for a landfill site. The lawyers were all over me. If he tries to build anything up there, the eco-freaks will just make him tear it down.

RED GREEN: {concerned} Oh, golly, I better go tell him!

JOSHUA TWOFEATHERS: {going back to pitching the tent} Mm-hmm.

RED GREEN: {looking around} How do I get out of here?

''{Distracted by Red, Joshua accidentally pulls out a tent pole. He sighs and groans as he tries to resume pitching the tent.}''

'RED GREEN: Oh, I'll help you. {takes the pole and puts it in the tent}

JOSHUA TWOFEATHERS: Man, I need a secretary real bad.

Plot Segment 2
{As Harold tunes his switcher, Red enters the lodge.}

RED GREEN: Well, before I could stop him, Old Man Sedgwick and the guys had the whole cottage built, even had a roof on her. It wasn't on the top, but it was on there somewhere.

HAROLD GREEN: {laughs and walks up to Red} What a mess, too! Boy, there was a chimney that all zigzagged out the door a ways! And there was wires on the bottom of the tub, which was out on the front porch, which was in the basement. {giggles} And how's a guy supposed to close the window with all the plumbing coming out of it like that?

RED GREEN: Well, they're just not all that good at reading a blueprint.

HAROLD GREEN: Well, maybe if they looked at it, it might be a good first step. I think the real problem came, though, was when they divided the guys into two teams and made a race out of it. {giggles} Boy, that's when they really started cutting corners there.

RED GREEN: {to Harold} You know, I think that's why so many of the rooms are triangular. But don't forget, these are volunteers, Harold. And in the long run, volunteers are the most expensive workers you'll ever have. {to camera} So, anyway, after they installed the shower... in the kitchen... in the attic, they wanted to fire up the gas water heater. And when they turned everything on, water was coming out the gas line, but nothing was coming out the water line. So Junior Singleton went down into the basement to see who had hooked up the gas, and as soon as he hit the switch, he remembered the answer was "nobody"! 'Cause the whole place exploded!

HAROLD GREEN: {surprised} Is that what that was?! Ha! I thought they were blasting in the quarry again. Of course, you know, I did wonder when I looked up and I saw that cottage in the sky.

RED GREEN: Yeah, you don't see that too often.

HAROLD GREEN: Well, it's only the second time this year.

RED GREEN: But there's a good side, because now Old Man Sedgewick doesn't have to tear the cottage apart just to comply with the zoning bylaw, although they may charge him with littering.

HAROLD GREEN: Poor old guy. I guess he's really upset, huh?

RED GREEN: {to Harold} Well, he's not a quitter, Harold. If he was, he would have died long ago – during the War of 1812. {to camera} But as he was sitting there in that big pile of splintered wood, with little tufts of pink insulation around him... blowing pieces of shingle out of his nose, a big blue heron flew over and dropped a wake-up call on his bald spot. And he got an idea. He's thinking, okay, if Rock Reef Point has been made into a bird sanctuary, what he'll build as a home is a great big nest. {Harold stares}

Red's Campfire Song 2
{Red plays guitar while Harold joins in by tapping on a plastic gas container.}

RED GREEN:
 * We like burgers and beef ribs
 * And rump roast and steak.
 * We like sirloin and T-bone
 * That makes us go snake.
 * We also like leather,
 * Shoes and fur belts.
 * You always hurt the one you love.
 * We're obviously quite fond of cows
 * Or wouldn't be slaughtering them so bad.

{Harold tries to blow into the tube of the container, trying to make a tooting sound.}

Harold's Segment
{The camera pans through another area of the lodge where Harold stands behind a podium.}

RED GREEN: {voiceover} This next part of the show is for the young people who apparently can stomach this kind of thing. Here's Harold.

HAROLD GREEN: Haw! Good evening! And welcome to the first episode of a 52-part series entitled...

''{He drapes a sign duct-taped to the podium over it. It reads "Guest For the Presidency".}''

HAROLD GREEN: "Quest For the Presidency"! {imitates trumpet fanfare, then laughs} Okay, yes, I know it says, "Guest For the Presidency", but, you know, I couldn't find a "Q", so I had to use a "G", okay? Don't! Okay?! Well, I mean, "Guest For the Presidency" would be pretty stupid, right? So, okay. {flips sign back over, out of view} Okay, well, then... Join me, over the next 52 weeks, as I will be throwing my hat into the ring! Um, well, if I had a hat, I would throw it into the ring, and at that time, I'll be running for the presidency of my very own high school. {giggles} And perhaps you more advanced students will be able to learn from my mistakes, as I run through the primaries, which will include junior kindergarten, right up to the stump on the election day, where I will convince the electorate that I am truly the only candidate with enough blanks on my social calendar to handle such a high, high office. Haw!

{At that moment, however, behind Harold, Red enters the room, looking somewhat annoyed.}

HAROLD GREEN: So, let me say this about–

RED GREEN: {interrupting} Harold? You'll never make it with your marks, okay? Presidents have to have a high education.

HAROLD GREEN: {laughs} What about Abe Lincoln? He wasn't much of an educated guy.

RED GREEN: He was assassinated, Harold.

HAROLD GREEN: Good point.

RED GREEN: Yeah. {turns and leaves}

{Harold laughs nervously and turns the "Guest For the Presidency" sign back over.}

HAROLD GREEN: Well, maybe I could be guest for the President.

Red's Teen Talk
{Red walks around outside the lodge, wearing a yellow slicker.}

RED GREEN: I guess it must be pretty confusing to be a teenage boy in this day and age, with all the TV ads saying, "Sex, sex, sex," and your friends saying, "Sex, sex, sex," and the music videos saying, "Sex, sex, sex," and your parents saying, "How was school today?" It was a lot different in my day. You know, in my day, the girls wore skirts and dresses, and if your girlfriend said the "F" word, it was "Fiancé." We put girls up on a pedestal, and it wasn't just to look up their dresses. But I guess we were wrong, 'cause in the last twenty years, the women have gone for the equality thing, and they've almost worked their way down to our level. Almost. Although, I have yet to see a woman actually scratch herself at the table. I don't get it, though, because being equal to, say, a member of Possum Lodge, uh, is pretty much an insult. But I don't understand it. Then, again, if I understood women, I wouldn't be where I am today. {looks up and looks around, squinting}

Visit With Ranger Gord
{Red is at Fire Watchtower 13.}

RED GREEN: {voiceover} Thought I'd drop in on Ranger Gord and ask him about this nest business and make sure that he didn't panic when he saw Old Man Sedgewick's cottage blow up this morning. {to Gord} Wh-What did you think when Old Man Sedgewick's place exploded up at Rock Reef Point this morning?

RANGER GORD: {looking out of tower, confused} Exploded?

RED GREEN: Oh, yeah, yeah. Didn't you see the flame and the smoke? It burned for over an hour.

RANGER GORD: {shrugs} Can't catch 'em all.

RED GREEN: No, no, I guess not. Anyway, on this nest thing, you know that bird, the blue heron there? Now, what do they do to their nest to get it ready for the winter?

RANGER GORD: Well, most birds will only be in the nest in the springtime for mating. {beat; softly} Can I say "mating" on TV?

RED GREEN: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, if the nest is only for mating, I don't think Old Man Sedgewick needs one of them.

RANGER GORD: No, no, no. I don't see him having a woman in his little nest. I can't see him dating a real-live woman. No, he's out there alone. Alone. Staring at the clouds... 'til every cloud reminds him of a woman named Gretchen. {suddenly breaks down, crying} Oh, Gretchen!

RED GREEN: All right, Gord, all right, all right.

RANGER GORD: {sobbing} Gretchen...

RED GREEN: All right.

RANGER GORD: {sobbing} Who could have shared his nest and laid his eggs and hatched his chicks.

RED GREEN: All right, no, never mind, Go– All right, Gord. Now, don't worry about– {Gord buries his face in his hands, still crying} Okay, Gord, thanks very much. That was very helpful. And– And– And, listen, we'll see you again soon.

RANGER GORD: {sobbing} How soon?!

RED GREEN: {insistent} Soon.

RANGER GORD: When exactly?!

RED GREEN: Soon, that's all. Sooner than never. How's that? {gets up}

RANGER GORD: {brightening up} Okay! I can live with that.

{Red starts walking down the stairs, Gord following.}

RED GREEN: All right, good. I'll see myself down.

RANGER GORD: Yeah.

RED GREEN: {seeing Gord follow after him} Don't follow me, Gord.

RANGER GORD: {stopping at the top of the stairs} I'll watch you go.

Plot Segment 3
{Red enters the lodge.}

RED GREEN: Well, Old Man Sedgewick has run into a few problems building his big nest. He's been studying the heron and trying to imitate him exactly, but he's found that his false teeth make it real hard to pick up some of the bigger 2x4s.

HAROLD GREEN: Did he not think to use his hands? Does this not occur to him?

RED GREEN: {to Harold} Well, he's a bit of a purist, you know, Harold. He wants his nest to be authentic. You know, for resale value. And if the heron is building his with a beak and about the same size brain, he should be able to do it, too. {to camera} So, he took the false teeth out to get himself a better grip with his gums, and the heron swooped down, picked the teeth up, and flew off. And golly, there is nothing so unnerving as seeing a large water bird flying over the lodge with a big, toothy grin.

HAROLD GREEN: {walking up close to Red} You know, Uncle Red, I heard that Old Man Sedgewick came to his senses, and he's completely abandoned this nest idea.

RED GREEN: Well, you're half-right. He abandoned the idea. But he's gonna build himself a whole new different type of home. Gonna be all-season, all year 'round.

HAROLD GREEN: Oh.

RED GREEN: And still keeping the back-to-nature theme, he's gonna build a great big beehive.

HAROLD GREEN: {wide-mouthed surprise} Ah! Well, why doesn't that surprise me? {giggles}

RED GREEN: And if that doesn't work out, he's gonna get ninety miles of yarn and spin a cocoon. {glances toward Harold briefly} Or he may end up digging an anthill.

HAROLD GREEN: {giggles} Man, oh, man. Let's just hope he's never heard of the dung beetle.

{The "Squeal of the Possum" is heard.}

HAROLD GREEN: Oh, there's the call of the meeting, Uncle Red. {removes switcher from his person}

RED GREEN: Yeah, you go ahead, Harold. I'll be right down.

HAROLD GREEN: Okie-doke. {runs down basement stairs}

RED GREEN: {looking into camera} Well, on a personal note, if my wife is watching, you know, I-I take a look at Old Man Sedgewick and, uh... I-I have to think how lucky I am, y'know, to be married and to have a real nice home and... and not to be anything like him, and I really feel that I... I have you to thank for that. And I want to just show my appreciation, so right after the meeting, I'm gonna come straight home, and I'm gonna build, just for you, a combination garden shed and bird feeder out of waffles. {beat} Don't mention it. {to audience} Okay, so the rest of you, thanks very much for watching, and on behalf of Harold and myself and the whole gang up here at Possum Lodge, {waves} keep your stick on the ice.

''{Red turns and heads for the basement door, taking his suitcase with him. Cut to the Lodge Meeting. Bob Stuyvesant walks over to the front of the room, followed by Red. Glen Brachston and Dougie stand next to Harold, while Red and Bob join up moments later.}''

HAROLD GREEN: All rise!

{Everyone stands and put their arms over their chests.}

EVERYONE: Quando Omni Flunkus Moritati.

{Everyone except Red sits back down.}

RED GREEN: Before we get into the meeting, I'd like to tell you that Don and Gord and Claude and Barry have finished completely rewiring the basement of the lodge. Let's hear it.

''{Everyone applauds. However, the sound of electricity crackling is heard behind Red, followed by some wires emitting explosions of sparks. The room is plunged into darkness.}''