Better To Give Than Receive

Possum Lodge has a blood donor competition with Caribou Lodge.

Cast (in order of Appearance):, , , ,

Segments: The Possum Lodge Word Game, Red's Campfire Songs, Handyman Corner, Red's Sage Advice, Adventures With Bill, The Experts

DVD: Red Green: Stuffed and Mounted, Vol. 5; The Red Green Show – 1998 Season

Transcript
''{Red is seated on a lawn chair near the lake. He holds up a bottle of beer.}''

RED GREEN: You know, there is no better place to enjoy your favorite sparkling barley malt beverage than in the great outdoors. Unfortunately now, the great outdoors doesn't come with any built-in end tables, and you end up forgetting where you left your beer. Well, I have a solution for that. {holds up a toiler plunger} Get yourself one of these plumber's helpers. That'll do the trick for ya. {pulls out the extendable cuff on the plunger} Now go high-end on this. Get the deluxe model with the built-in... It's got the little inside extendable cuff there. And you stick that unit into the ground. {he sticks the plunger into the ground, handle down, cup up} Ram 'er in there good upside-down. {he places the beer inside the cup} And there's your perfect built-in drink holder right there, eh?

{Pull back to reveal Red surround by several toilet plungers stuck in the ground upside-down, all with beer bottles in them.}

RED GREEN: Always close at hand, and you'll never forget where you put your beer.

Intro
HAROLD GREEN: It's The Red Green Show! And now, here's the man who never says "Die," because it might be true, your host and hero, my uncle, Red Green!

{Red walks into the Lodge and waves while the audience cheers.}

AUDIENCE: {chanting} Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red!

RED GREEN: Okay! Thank you very much. Appreciate it. Actually, bit of a disappointment up at the Lodge this week. We had a fishing derby going on against Caribou Lodge up on Mercury Creek. Now, we caught more fish, but they ended up winning! Somebody got paid off somewhere down the line, I figured!

AUDIENCE: Aw...

HAROLD GREEN: Well, you know what it is? Most of your fish ended up getting disqualified. Well, they were frozen and still had the price tags on them.

RED GREEN: I don't think so, Harold. The point is, we caught more fish! I don't think we should be penalized for ingenuity. To me, cheating just means you care about winning.

HAROLD GREEN: Uncle Red, I know a way– I know a way you can get revenge on those guys.

RED GREEN: Oh, yeah?

HAROLD GREEN: Yeah. You challenge 'em... Like, because it's National Health Care Week, right? So you challenge them to a blood donor competition! {chuckles}

RED GREEN: What're you talking about, Harold?

HAROLD GREEN: Yeah, blood donor competition! Yeah, all you do is you donate more blood than they do, and you guys win! It's fantastic! I do it all the time. It doesn't even hurt or nothin', you know? Yeah. Best part is– Best part is– Best part is, a nurse comes up to ya. Y'know, she's wearing, like, a white dress and white stockings. She gives you juice and cookies and rubs your arm, and that's how you feel!

RED GREEN: {shaking his head} No, no, no. Harold, Harold? No, out of the question. I cannot give blood. I need it all for my lifestyle. And to hold my veins open.

HAROLD GREEN: Oh, okay. No, if you're afraid, I understand. That's okay.

RED GREEN: What? What? I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid. Not afraid.

HAROLD GREEN: Oh, okay. That's not fear in your eyes? I thought it was fear in your eyes. Not fear in your eyes. Okay.

RED GREEN: All right, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do, Harold: I'm gonna go challenge the Caribou Lodge guys, and if they're up for it, I'm in.

HAROLD GREEN: You think they might refuse?

RED GREEN: I'm bankin' on it. {leaves the Lodge}

The Possum Lodge Word Game
HAROLD GREEN: It's time to play the Possum Lodge Word Game, and today's contestant is local explosives expert, Mr. Edgar Montrose!

{Edgar puts his hand to his ear to hear the audience cheering, then waves.}

HAROLD GREEN: And today, Mr. Montrose is playing for a fantastic grand prize of a brand-new stereo receiver supplied by Soupy's Electronic Emporium! {holds up a completely destroyed, fallen-apart stereo} Some reassembly required. Okay. {picks up word sign} Uncle Red, you have thirty seconds to get Mr. Montrose to say the following word. {to Edgar} You have to cover your ears, Mr. Montrose. {Edgar does nothing}

RED GREEN: Not necessary.

HAROLD GREEN: Okay, today's word is... {turns word sign around to show audience} Delicate. Delicate.

RED GREEN: Yeah, all right, Harold.

HAROLD GREEN: {setting sign down} Go!

RED GREEN: Edgar! Edgar! This is something that's easy to break.

EDGAR MONTROSE: Marital commitments.

RED GREEN: No, no. What word comes to mind when you think of bone china or crystal?

EDGAR MONTROSE: Oops!

RED GREEN: All right, uh, say you're on one of your demolition sites there. There's a little flower there, eh? A tiny flower, dainty little petals. You would say that flower is...

EDGAR MONTROSE: Toast!

RED GREEN: Oh, I remember! The old water tower, remember? You blew that up and you didn't even scratch the factory next door. You must've been very...

EDGAR MONTROSE: Embarrassed.

RED GREEEN: Embarrassed?

EDGAR MONTROSE: Well, actually, I was hired to dynamite the factory.

RED GREEN: Oh, oh, oh, oh.

HAROLD GREEN: Almost running out of time, Uncle Red!

RED GREEN: Yeah, I know.

HAROLD GREEN: Let's move it on!

RED GREEN: Oh, oh, I got it, I got it, I got it! Lunch hour! You take a break, you go over to Schaefer's Delicatessen, what do you order?

EDGAR MONTROSE: Oh, corned beef on rye.

RED GREEN: Okay, but not just any corned beef, you order Schaefer's special...

EDGAR MONTROSE: Deli cut!

RED GREEN: There we go! {Red starts ringing the bell and Harold hands Edgar the stereo.}

Inside References

 * During the Word Game, Red and Edgar mention the latter blowing up one structure and not even scratching another one next door. Edgar mentioned something like that in Step Outside.