Guinness World Records

Red and the guys try to find creative ways to get into the Guinness Book of World Records.

Cast (in order of appearance):, , ,

Segments: The Possum Lodge Word Game, Harold at the Office, Handyman Corner, Red's Sage Advice, Talking Animals, Adventures With Bill, Famous People In Possum Lake History

Transcript
{Red is walking along in wintertime, dressed in a jacket, snow boots and wearing skunk-themed oven mitts on his hands.}

RED GREEN: Here's a way to get back at that darn snowplow driver. He always waits 'til you've shoveled out your whole driveway before he comes roaring down the street and fills you all back in. Well, no more.

''{He shows off a sheet of plywood lying in the snow, in front of two oil drums. A post sticks out of one of the post, which is attached by rope to the plywood. The other side of the rope is tied to a plank laying at a cockeyed angle.}''

RED GREEN: I call this the snow blocker. You get a barrel on each side of your driveway. You stick a post in one of the sides. Then you lay down a half a sheet of plywood on the road. Then you're gonna need about a... oh, about a ten-foot plank and a chunk of rope to tie the whole unit together. {He hears the sound of a snowplow coming.} Oh, here comes the snowplow. Let's see this baby in action.

''{The snowplow runs over the plank, which drops down, which in turn causes the rope tied to the plank to pull on the plywood on the road. The plywood rises up, making a little barrier against the snow being pushed by the snowplow. Once the plow passes by, the plank is raised back to its angled position and the plywood falls back down}''

Red's Sage Advice
RED GREEN: I wanna talk to all you older guys out there for a minute. You know the expression, "Don't get mad, get even"? Sounds simple enough, doesn't it? But actually, the difference between getting mad and getting even is about 25 years. I don't just mean in prison time. I mean in age, 'cause when you're young, you get mad at everything: school, your parents, your team, your car, everybody else's car. You're spending all your time getting mad; you've got no time to get even. Then when you get older, you got the time to get even, you haven't got the energy to get mad. So here's what I say you do: you older guys, you've had the time to get mad. Now you should focus on getting even. Now, as you get older, eh, maybe some young punk flips you the bird for driving too slow. You can get even by going 100 miles with your left turn signal on. Oh, yeah. Or you can get even by ignoring concepts like "Do Not Enter" or "First Come, First Serve". {softly, to himself, looking away from the camera} Yeah, boy, that day's coming, too, isn't it? The bunch of us, we're all up there in years, and we all show at the buffet at the same time with the walkers and the oxygen tanks and the I.V. things... {normal voice, back to the camera} That's another way to get even, your mind drift, you know? I'll tell you, if you get old enough, you get even just by being alive. Remember, I'm pulling for you. We're all getting even together.

Real-World References

 * The two "Guinness" companies mentioned in this episode are the Guinness World Records and St. James's Gate Brewery, the makers of Guinness Draught.