Adopt-A-Highway

Possum Lodge unexpectedly adopts a tough stretch of highway, and Red plans to use it to his advantage.

Cast (in order of appearance):, , , , , , , , ,

Segments: Red's Campfire Songs, The Possum Lodge Word Game, Handyman Corner, Red's Sage Advice, Adventures With Bill, If It Ain't Broke, You're Not Trying

DVD: The Red Green Show – 1997 Season

Transcript
{A title appears reading, "The New Red Green Show'' is duct taped in front of a live studio audience". Duct tape sounds are heard in the background.}''

Intro
HAROLD GREEN: It's The New Red Green Show! {laughs} And now here's a man who forgotten more about rational behavior than he ever knew, your hero! Your host! My uncle! {pointing to Lodge front door} Red Green!

''{Red enters the Lodge and waves to everyone. The audience applauds.}''

RED GREEN: Thank you very much. Thank you very much, appreciate it. Big, big week up at the Lodge this week: we had our remote control lawn mower races. Talk about fun, especially for the winner, or as we call him, the guy who still has his toes.

''{Red raises his right foot. His shoe has been cut off at the toe area, exposing socked toes. Red chuckles.}''

HAROLD GREEN: You know, Uncle Red, I coulda told ya that wasn't gonna work. {to audience} I coulda told him that wasn't gonna work. {back to Red} Because you know what it is? 'Cause most remote control frequencies, they're all the same, right? So what happens is that makes your lawn mowers go all crazy and wacky like they get. Yeah, yeah, yeah! Was there much personal serious injuries?

RED GREEN: Well... yes and no, Harold. Buster Hadfield escaped with just a trim, but Junior Singleton was pretty well mowed and mulched. Yeah. Yeah.

HAROLD GREEN: Shouldn't you be down at the hospital extending them your best wishes?

RED GREEN: No, that would be an admission of guilt, Harold. Besides, uh, my presence has been requested at a meeting at a town council. I got some 'splainin' to do.

HAROLD GREEN: You want a ride down?

{Suddenly, they hear the sound of a siren outside.}

RED GREEN: Won't be necessary, Harold, there's my ride now. {turns and leaves}

Title Sequence
''{"The New Red Green Show" intro plays. Cut to Red watching Bill trying to uproot a stump using a rope tied to a nearby house, a chain attached to the Possum Van and a hook. Bill tugs on the hook, only to see the house move an inch.}''

RED GREEN: {voiceover} Here are a few scenes from this particular show, and, uh... I don't like to hike ya too much, but by golly...

{Cut to Edgar emptying out a bag full of sawdust and splintered wood onto a workbench for Red.}

RED GREEN: {voiceover} ...if this doesn't wanna make you watch this show, then, well...

{Cut to Red taking a bathtub and some pipes out of the back of the Possum Van.}

RED GREEN: {voiceover} ...you obviously have a life.

Red's Campfire Song
{Harold accompanies Red by clicking two spoons together.}

RED GREEN: {singing}
 * Oh, the devil challenged Evel Knieval
 * To a contest of the possible jumps.
 * The winner would get a hell of a prize
 * And the loser would take his lumps.
 * Oh, they jumped a canyon, a mountain, and a lake,
 * And a field of hungry boll weevils.
 * And the devil discovered, to his surprise,
 * He was the lesser of two evils.

The Possum Lodge Word Game
HAROLD GREEN: It's the Possum Lodge Word Game, {pull back to reveal Red and Dalton sitting at card table} and if you love British cars, then you're gonna love tonight's grand prize: {holds up business card}'' a business card from Flinty's Towing! All right, Uncle Red, you have 30 seconds to get Mr. Dalton Humphrey to say this word...

{Dalton covers his ears while Harold holds up a sign displaying the word "Paranoid".}

HAROLD GREEN: Paranoid. Paranoid.

RED GREEN: Yeah, yeah...

HAROLD GREEN: {setting sign on table and stepping back} Go! {Dalton uncovers his ears}

RED GREEN: All right, Dalton, persecution complex.

DALTON HUMPHREY: A courthouse.

RED GREEN: No, no, no, no, that's a prosecution complex. Okay, if you're suspicious of everyone for absolutely no apparent reason, then you would say that's being...

DALTON HUMPHREY: ...normal.

RED GREEN: Alright, alright, let's say you're negative, with no contact with reality whatsoever. That would be...

DALTON HUMPHREY: ...my daughter.

RED GREEN: Let's go another way on this, Dalton, okay? You got two slippers; that makes a...

DALTON HUMPHREY: ...pair.

RED GREEN: Okay, someone bugs you, you get...

DALTON HUMPHREY: ...annoyed.

RED GREEN: Put 'em together, put 'em together.

DALTON HUMPHREY: You say someone's stealing my slippers to annoy me? {Red puts his head in his hand in frustration} You know, it's probably my neighbor! You know, because he's trying to get me. Sometimes I sneak into his house at night and rearrange his furniture.

RED GREEN: {brightening up} All right, and he thinks that way because he's...

DALTON HUMPHREY: ...caught me doing it.

{Red gets annoyed again and waves at Dalton dismissively.}

Real-World References

 * Red's song about the devil and Evel Knieval is a parody of a song by the Charlie Daniels Band called "The Devil Went Down To Georgia", about a boy named Johnny who is challenged by the devil to a fiddle-playing contest.
 * A Dust Buster is a cordless vacuum made by Black & Decker.

Famous People

 * Red's campfire song involves daredevil Evel Knieval.