The Hydrogen Project

Red and his pals try to carbonate Possum Lake, which results in hydrogen forming on the lake.

Cast (in order of appearance):, , , , , , , , ,

Segments: Red's Campfire Songs, That's What Friends Are For, Handyman Corner, Red's Sage Advice, Red's Visits with Possum Lodge Members, Harold's Segments, Adventures With Bill, The Experts

DVD: Red Green: Stuffed and Mounted, Vol. 5

DVD Commentary by Steve Smith
STEVE SMITH: Rick Green plays Bill on the show, and actually, he created the Red Green series with me. He's a friend of mine. Um, the problem that Rick has is that he thinks of things in his mind and he gets all excited about them and doesn't really think about when he actually has to do it. And this is a perfect example in this episode: he had this idea of drilling a well, getting onto a power auger and having that thing take off. He'd actually ride it around. He just thought that was the funniest idea in his mind, and then later on, when we had to actually apply his body to that idea, he wasn't quite as enthused about it.

Intro
{Red stands fishing on a pier early in the morning.}

RED GREEN: One of the differences between men and women is that women kinda see the big picture, whereas men kind of see everything in little wee parts. That's why most women are into holistic medicine, whereas most surgeons are guys. {the title "The Hydrogen Project" is displayed} To a woman, a car is a means of transportation. To a guy, it's a bunch of components; parts that he can fix or customize or change around in some way. If he can take a car and cut it in half, bumper to bumper, he's got two motorcycles. I think that's why guys never throw anything out. They're waitin' to see what it devolves into. It's not smart or correct, but it's one of the things that makes us what we are.

Title sequence
''{The "The New Red Green Show" title sequence plays. Cut to Harold, Red and Edgar sitting around a table. Edgar shouts something that rocks the room.}''

RED GREEN: {voiceover} Today on "The Red Green Show", we got Edgar K.B. Montrose.

{Cut to Glen sitting on the hood of a boat, trying to suck down some liquid from a cup.}

RED GREEN: {voiceover} Glen Brachston's settlin' up down at the marina.

{Cut to Bill furiously trying to jam a pipe into the ground.}

RED GREEN: {voiceover} Bill is gonna try and drill us a well.

''{Cut to Red inside the Lodge, placing a lit cigarette lighter under his hat. A pink flame erupts from inside the hat.}''

RED GREEN: {voiceover} I got some hydrogen in my hat.

''{Cut to Red and Harold fishing in a creek. Harold suddenly dragged forward by his fishing line.}''

RED GREEN: {voiceover} And as always, Harold is up the creek.

Red's Campfire Song
{Red plays guitar and Harold accompanies him by clicking two spoons together.}

RED GREEN:
 * Oh, I like honey, I like jam,
 * I like myself just the way I am.
 * I don't mind the pimples and I don't mind the warts,
 * And I really don't care how bad I look in shorts.
 * I got skinny arms and a great big nose,
 * I got hair in my ears and hair on my toes.
 * People say I'm ugly, but I don't make a fuss,
 * 'Cause I always get a seat by myself. On the bus.

That's What Friends Are For
{Red and Winston run down into the Lodge basement and walk up close to the camera.}

RED GREEN: Okay, you just pulled in your driveway, and it's late, and you didn't tell anybody you were gonna be late. You're not gonna be able to sneak into the house, and you know the very first thing you're gonna hear as soon as you go through that front door...

RED GREEN, WINSTON ROTHSCHILD: {in unison} "Why didn't you call?"

WINSTON ROTHSCHILD: And you're gonna need an answer, and you're gonna need the truth! And the truth is you don't have an answer, eh?

RED GREEN: So the truth becomes, you're gonna have to make somethin' up.

WINSTON ROTHSCHILD: And it's gonna have to be a hummer!

RED GREEN: So what we're gonna do is make somethin' up for you now, and you can use it later when you need 'em.

WINSTON ROTHSCHILD: Right. Okay, here's a good one: "Uh, sorry I didn't call, honey, but I gave all my money to a homeless family who was livin' in a parking lot behind the bar in a dumpster, and I just didn't have the heart to ask them for change for the phone."

''{Pause. The audience laughs.}''

RED GREEN: Or you can say, "The police come into the bar, and they said they're trackin' aliens, which apparently are pure energies. But anyway, they said, 'Nobody can use the phone, includin' the table dancers!'"

WINSTON ROTHSCHILD: Or I guess you could just say, "I'm sorry, honey, I didn't call. It was thoughtless of me. I feel really bad. I love you very much. Please forgive me."

RED GREEN: ...But try the other two first.

WINSTON ROTHSCHILD: Oh, yeah, yeah.

{They run back up the stairs.}

Segue: Winston Rothschild
WINSTON ROTHSCHILD: Hi, Winston Rothschild here from Rothschild's Sewage and Septic Sucking Services, where... {he holds up his business card on which the slogan and the phone number are displayed} "We put the P.U. in 'pump'!"

Fast Forward

 * In the Red's Sage Advice segment of Life Cycle, Red would say to actually do get glasses.