The Not-Chicken Franchise

Red says the former postmaster for the Possum Lake area Lucky Balderson is opening up a fast food franchise in the area and Red will be doing the ads for him. Harold asks if they need a director and Red says there might be a spot for him though the pay might be in the form of food. A short time later, Red says Lucky was unable to get a fast food franchise as Possum Lake was deemed too small for such a business. Red is undeterred and is going to start a fast food franchise with Lucky called " I Can't Believe It's Not Chicken! ". Harold says Red should be careful what he says promoting the franchise and Red says he will be and he's only investing his name and reputation, which Harold thinks doesn't amount to much. On Adventures with Bill, Bill looks to demonstrate his soccer skills though he falls down after a few seconds of dribbling the ball. Next, Red is with Ranger Gord outside his tower and Gord looks to tell members the right and wrong way to put out a campfire with the aid of an imitation television set he has made. Gord puts the set on his head and uses puppets he calls Mr. Bad and Good Camper and his tongue as the licking flames with Red, holding a water gun, dousing the flames. On Handyman Corner, Red and Harold work together to show how to make a neon sign. Red takes a number of neon light bulbs and asks Harold to bend them into letters but Harold is reluctant to do so and Red discovers that the bulbs are not conducive to bending. Red looks to use balloons for the sign and after getting them set up on a board with propane gas filling them, Red turns the sign on but it catches on fire and Harold rushes in with a fire extinguisher. For his advice corner segment, Red talks about how guys want to look good and he says washing is always a good idea and wardrobe is a good idea but the most important thing is attitude and feeling you look good. At the lodge, Red is grumbling that Harold did an excessive amount of retakes for the fast food commercial but Harold says he is striving for perfection or, at least, proper pronunciation. Red says all people care about is price and cites one deal where a person can get a large potato tots, side salad, hot bun, big shake, two rolls and seven pieces of not chicken for eighty nine cents. Red says it's a dollar extra if a person doesn't want the not chicken but Red and Harold both think it's worth it. For the Word Game segment, Hap tries to get Red to say the word ' Friends ' for the prize of a mismatched set of ashtrays. For a handyman tip, Red suggest cleaning up a large amount of extension cord by letting the tool do the work and activates a nearby drill to demonstrate this as it spins and winds the cord around itself. Back at the lodge, Red enters and says the ads for the restaurant are running and generating a big response. Harold emerges from his hiding space and thinks the ads are the worse thing on television though when Red says business is booming due to the ads, Harold cheers up. Red goes on to say Lucky is thinking of starting another franchise but it may be with a " Not Beef " and " Not Salad " theme as he can't get enough supply of the " Not Chicken " product. Back on Adventures with Bill, Bill looks to take a few practice shots at a net under a goal post. However, Bill's shots go nowhere the net and he only succeeds when he shoots from a few feet distance in front of the net. Red takes a position as a goalkeeper and easily stops Bill's attempts. The two switch places and Bill stops only one shot and that is with his face. At the lodge, Red says the Not Chicken restaurant has failed as they ran a contest where customers get to guess what they are eating and if they do, they get their meal free. A visiting zoologist guessed correctly what was in his meal and the health inspector closed the business down. Harold is oblivious to Red's statements at first as he dreams of talking with Steven Spielberg but when he asks what Red plans to do now, Red states that he plans to open a floating restaurant called " I Can't Believe It's Not Fish " and they plan to give away action figures and pogs as prizes to the customers. For the Experts segment, Dougie advises a letter writer who wants to know how to make his mother's birthday after he gets out of prison. Red suggests staying in prison until the rehab kicks in but Dougie says a bond between a mother and her favourite son transcends everything and suggests not buying a set of racing tires, as he knows far too well. Back at the lodge, Red enters wearing a burned and blackened lifejacket and says the restaurant caught fire out on the lake as the " Not Fish " spontaneously combusted and everything burned right down to the water line.