Lady In Red/Transcript

The complete transcript for Lady In Red

Segue: Red Green
''{Red continues to rummage through his pile of hubcaps. Suddenly, a policeman walks up behind him. Red sees him and looks around in the pile for a hubcap. He picks one up and shows it to the policeman, who nods and takes it, then walks off. Red then continues to rummage through the pile.}''

Visit With Dalton Humphrey
''{Red and Dalton pull up to Dalton's house in the Possum Van. Ed is in the back seat.}''

DALTON HUMPHREY: Got my movies there, Red?

ED FRID: Oh, yeah, I got 'em right here. {feels around himself and pulls out two videotapes}

RED GREEN: Boy, if that works, I've wasted a fortune on a VCR. {he and Dalton both laugh}

DALTON HUMPHREY: You think Anne-Murray's gonna notice I didn't get any movies that she wanted?

RED GREEN: {suddenly concerned} Well, what movies did she ask for?

DALTON HUMPHREY: {somewhat disgusted} Well, she asked for Steel Magnolias and Beaches.

RED GREEN: And what movies did you get?

ED FRID: {holding up both tapes proudly} Scarface and The Terminator.

RED GREEN: I think when Al Pacino fires up the chainsaw, she might twig onto it. {Ed nods}

DALTON HUMPHREY: You guys are gonna have to help me here.

ED FRID: Well, you could tell her that the video store was all out. It's possible; there's a lot of other women in the area, eh?

DALTON HUMPHREY: Yeah, well, what if she phones the video store and finds out that all thirty copies of both movies are still there?

RED GREEN: She can't phone the video store.

DALTON HUMPHREY: Why not?

RED GREEN: Because on your way into the house, you're gonna cut the phone line.

ED FRID: {delighted by the idea} And the cable! {Red nods eagerly} You cut the cable, {holds up tapes} and you walk in with tonight's only entertainment right in your hand! {Dalton excitedly takes the tapes} That's big points, buddy!

DALTON HUMPHREY: That's foolproof, that's foolproof!

RED GREEN: {laughs} Well, it– it's fool-something!

DALTON HUMPHREY: {opening the van door and getting out, holding the tapes} All right, see ya, guys!

RED GREEN: Yeah.

DALTON HUMPHREY: Thanks for the tip.

RED GREEN: Alright.

''{Dalton closes the door. Red and Ed wave to Dalton as he walks into the house, passing in front of the van as he does and giving Red and Ed a thumbs-up.}''

ED FRID: He's a dead man.

RED GREEN: Yeah, a dead man with no phone or cable.

Famous People In Possum Lake History
{Red walks into another room in the lodge, holding a sign.}

RED GREEN: When he was elected, he was the most popular mayor Possum Lake had ever had. He promised to put the town on the map and decrease the unemployment rate. Instead, he put the town in the red and increased the illegitimacy rate.

{Red holds up his sign, which reads, "WANTED FOR MAYOR - HONEST JOHN JONASSEN".}

RED GREEN: He was Honest John Jonassen. He walked into Possum Lake one day, looking to buy a car. He asked us where the local Rolls-Royce dealership was.

''{Cut to a photograph of a family out in front of their house in the woods. Some women are standing around while a few men try to tend to a mule. Nearby is a pile of firewood.}''

RED GREEN: {voiceover} He just couldn't believe that a town with this kind of vibrant energy and cosmopolitan flair wouldn't catch the eye of the Rolls-Royce people. In hindsight, that should've been a tip-off.

{Cut to Hap Shaughnessy on his boat.}

HAP SHAUGHNESSY: Oh, he was a charmer, I'll grant you that. He asked me to help him with Possum Lake's bid for the 1986 Winter Olympics. {shrugs} I didn't know how much help I could be. It'd been years since my last gold medal. In pickling. When I asked how our bid could stand a chance, he flat-out told me he was going to bribe the Olympic officials. He was ahead of his time, really.

''{Hap nods. Cut to Dalton in his store.}''

DALTON HUMPHREY: John also sold timesharing holiday properties down south, right? He would show us these pictures of these beautiful beachfront condos and then he explained that we could swap our places at Possum Lake with somebody who lived in one of these joints. Boy, that guy could sell, you know. He coulda sold Gandhi a Big Mac. {shakes head with uncertainty} We bought into it, and, uh... {shrugs} Two weeks later, he shows up with this family from Florida and says that they're here to timeshare with us for a month now.

{Cut to a photograph of people sleeping in sleeping bags on the floor of a shack and one person sleeping in a bed.}

DALTON HUMPHREY: {voiceover} So he goes out to his car, he opens the trunk, and out get five guys with bedrolls. They walk into our living room and they camp out on the floor!

{Cut back to Dalton.}

DALTON HUMPHREY: These people were weird, even for Florida.

''{Dalton nods slowly. Cut to Mike sitting in the backseat of a police car with the door next to him open.}''

MIKE HAMAR: I recognized those guys. They've done time in jail. They were just guys on the lam looking for a place to hide out. I mean, would guys from Florida have no tan? And scurvy? Come on!

''{A policeman walks up and shuts the door next to Mike and gets into the car. Cut back to Red, who is holding a folded piece of paper.}''

RED GREEN: His big scam was Honest John's pyramid scheme. And these weren't pyramid sales. These were real pyramids.

{Cut to the inside of a pyramid.}

RED GREEN: {voiceover} John wanted to build pyramids, and then, for five hundred bucks, you could be buried like King Tut.

{Cut back to Red.}

RED GREEN: We thought he was on the up-and-up, because he had funding from three levels of government. {shakes head} Well... Listen to me. {holds up and unfolds piece of paper} Then he sold a bunch of us these municipal bonds. {looks at paper} They were made of paper, which was good, because everybody in Possum Lake has a fireplace and an outhouse. {crumples paper and tosses it aside} Honest John Jonassen knew he was in trouble. Nobody could ignore that many eggs smashing up against their house. Then one night, he just disappeared. Nobody knows how. Some say he drowned, trying to swim across Possum Lake with seven hundred pounds of parking meter coins in his pants pockets. We'd have to dredge the lake to know for sure. But we're not gonna go looking for him until we miss him.

''{Red turns and leaves the room. Cut to a closeup of Red's WANTED sign.}''