The Broken Water Pump

1992 Season, Episode 34

There's no water running at the lodge, and Helmut tries to fix the water pump.

Cast (in order of appearance): Harold Green; Red Green; Bill Smith; Helmut Wintergarden; Eddie; Duane

Segments: In The Lodge; Adventures With Bill; Handyman Corner; Red's Poetry; Red's Campfire Songs;

DVD: Red Green – The Infantile Years

Opening/Lodge Sequence 1
Harold: And now for a totally different show, a show based on the assumption that no matter who you are, or how busy you are, you have at least on half hour to waste, and, well, heres a man who's wasted at least half a century, my uncle, which is obviously the downside of working with a severly limited gene pool, but, he's more than a woodsman, he's a couldsman, and in most cases a shouldsman, hwa hwa hwa hwa, anyway here he is, the star of the Red Green Show, Mr. Red Green!

''Red: Thank you, Harold. Thank you and, uh, welcome to Possum Lodge. You've already met my nephew, Harold, who's my brother's only child, which is certainly understandable.''

''Harold: I got a neat one here for you, Uncle Red, look at this one. [Visual Effects] Huh huh.''

''Red: Harold is Responsible for the look of the show, so don't come complaining to me. But, we got a fun show for ya this week, although I must say, I did start the day with a rude awakening, which, uh, sounded actually like Stinky Petersen, but, then when I got up, and washed my face, I noticed there was no towel, and then I noticed that my face wasn't wet, then I noticed there was no water. So I figure either the water pump is broken again, or possum lake evaperated. ''

Harold: Uncle Red, has anybody told Helmut?

''Red: Well, I don't think thats necessary, Harold, Because all ya gotta do is be chewing on a cup of coffee, and you realize we're outta water. So the bunch of us were sitting around, chewing on cups of coffee, and Old Man Sedgewick was, of course, sucking on a teabag, and he was reminising about the good old days at the lodge, you know, before they had any of the modern amenities, you know, like a roof. And he said back then what they'd do to make coffee is go out and gather up all the condensation of the grass, or as he put it, they 'Made Do'. So we nailed him right on the scawn with a waffle iron for that one.''

Harold: Don't ya think he's got a point, though?

''Red: Well, ya harold he's got about 36 little ones [point to his head] right up in here. But, Okay, I guess we probably did appreciate things more, ya' know, back when dinosaurs roamed the earth.''

Harold: Did they even have, like, outhouses back then?

''Red: Yeah they did, but there was no hole in them. Anyway, once you get ued to the modern things, like a water pump or a sweeping compound, it is very difficult to go back.''

''Harold: Well I'm here to say that We're not going back, we're going forward, because progress may be destructive and inhuman, but technology sure is neat, eh. [leaves segment]''

Red voiceover: Unless it's a water pump.

In The Lodge Segment
[harold is seated at card table; helmut is sitting on couch fixing a vacuum with bill, who is standing behind couch]

Helmut: Okay