Running Of The Bulls

The Lodge stages its own "Running of the Bulls" event.

Cast (in order of appearance):, , , , , , , , ,

Segments: Red's Campfire Songs; Handyman Corner; Red's Sage Advice; The Experts; Adventures With Bill; If It Ain't Broke, You're Not Trying

Transcript
{A title appears reading, "The New Red Green Show'' is duct taped in front of a live studio audience". Duct tape sounds are heard in the background.}''

Intro
HAROLD GREEN: It's The Ned Red Green Show! Ha-ha, ha! And now, here's the Julius Seizure of Possum Lodge. He came, he saw, he conked out. Your hero, my uncle, Red Green!

''{Red enters, carrying a sign. The audience applauds. Harold does a small dance and whoops with glee.}''

RED GREEN: Thank you very much. Appreciate it. Appreciate it. Welcome to Possum Lodge. Boy, oh, boy, big, big week at the Lodge this week. Got a real special event planned: our very first ever {holds up the sign which reads: "Running of the Bulls This Saturday."} Running of the Bulls!

HAROLD GREEN: Yeah, we all got a touch of the Pamplona.

RED GREEN: Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I had that one time. Couple of spoonfuls of imodium and keep your running shoes on.

HAROLD GREEN: No, no, Uncle Red, Pamplona is a city in Spain where they have the real Running of the Bulls.

RED GREEN: Oh, yeah, I know, I know, but ours will be just as good, Harold. Boy, I'll tell ya, the idea of a bunch of bulls chasing our guys down the main streets got everybody pretty revved up around here!

HAROLD GREEN: Y'know, it sounds pretty dangerous to me. Y'know, if anybody gets hurt, your name is mud.

RED GREEN: Harold, when I'm being chased by an angry bull, I'll take any name but Gord!

Title sequence
''{The New Red Green Show intro plays. Cut to a shot of Red handing Dalton a broken tennis racquet.}''

RED GREEN: {voiceover} Here are a few clips from this episode. Harold tells me this is what...

{Cut to Harold entering the Lodge dressed as a matador.}

RED GREEN: {voiceover} ...the big shows do now. Y'know, to get you to watch, kind of a preview, kind of a teaser thing. How do you like it? Let us know.

''{Cut to Red driving the Possum Van between two cars with their doors open. The van smashes the car doors off the hinges.}''

RED GREEN: {voiceover} Just call 1-800-NICE-TRY.

Plot Segment 2
''{Red walks into the Lodge holding a pair of running shoes. Harold is adjusting the antennae on his audio switcher.}''

RED GREEN: Well, got about an hour to go until the test run of the Running of the Bulls. I guess you could it the Test Running of the Bulls.

HAROLD GREEN: Uncle Red, have you thought this through?

RED GREEN: How do you mean?

HAROLD GREEN: Nothing, never mind, stupid question.

RED GREEN: Well, we got our two bulls, and they're ready to go, so all we gotta do is throw on our running shoes and start yelling "Oy vey!"

HAROLD GREEN: I think you mean "Ol&eacute;!"

RED GREEN: No, these bulls are kosher. And boy, they're big, and they're mean-looking, Harold, and they look like they haven't been on a date in a while, if you know what I mean and I'm sure you do.

HAROLD GREEN: Wa-ha-ha! Oh, Uncle Red, you're just gonna get so terribly hurt. Do you think you can actually outrun an angry, charging bull?

RED GREEN: I don't have to, Harold. All I have to do is outrun at least one Lodge member. {chuckles} Don't worry about me. I think you should be worrying about Old Man Sedgewick.

HAROLD GREEN: Or Buster Hadfield.

RED GREEN: Yeah, he's no Donald Bailey.

HAROLD GREEN: More like Beetle Bailey.

RED GREEN: And for sure I can outrun you, Harold.

HAROLD GREEN: I'm not participating. This is a potentially dangerous event.

RED GREEN: I know, it's not as fulfilling as sitting at the computer for six hours on the Internet arguing about whether Captain Kirk is better than Captain Picard.

HAROLD GREEN: Picard! Picard, Picard, Picard, Picard is.

RED GREEN: For the guys who are running with the bulls, Harold, this is a display of courage, manhood, and heart. {heads for the door}

HAROLD GREEN: And heart attacks.

Red's Campfire Song
RED GREEN:


 * Oh, your kite got caught in the high-tension wire.
 * You thought you could get it down.
 * So you leaned your ladder up against the pole
 * And you heard a funny sound.
 * You climbed and you climbed way up to the top
 * Where the ladder touched the transformer.
 * You grabbed the wire to free your kite
 * And you noticed your hand getting warmer.
 * And you noticed your hand getting warmer.

RED AND HAROLD:


 * Ohhhh....

RED GREEN:


 * Sparks flew out and away you went,
 * With one arm noticeably enlarged.
 * Now, normally, the cops would make an arrest,
 * But they can see you'd already been charged.

Red's Sage Advice
RED GREEN: Wanna talk to all you couples out there who may be a little bit confused as to why relationships are so difficult. You know, they say it's bad to generalize, but it's something I really enjoy. So... so here– here's the thing, okay? Men are interested in cars. Women are interested in gardening. Yeah. Think about that. I mean, not all men like cars, some like motorcycles and trucks. But you gotta admit, you see more men at car shows than you see more women at gardening shows, eh? That's important. That'll help you understand why they see relationships so differently, see, 'cause women see a relationship like a garden, you know? You got to put a lot of work into it. You got to fuss over it. You got to churn over the ground, add more flowers, a little fertilizer. Whereas men see a relationship like a car: once they've made a commitment to have one, they really expect it to go at least five years without any serious maintenance. Oh, yeah! See, women enjoy working on a relationship. They see that as part of the fun. Men see that as a sign that there's some serious mechanical problem. And maybe that's why when there is a serious problem, women try to dig down deep and get to the roots. Whereas, unfortunately, a lot of men try to trade up! Remember, I'm pulling for ya. We're all in this together.

Explanations

 * Pamplona is a city in Spain which is famous for its "Running of the Bulls" event.
 * "Oy vey" is a Yiddish phrase of exasperation, and is commonly associated with Jewish culture.

Real-World References

 * Red and Harold make reference to a famous ongoing debate among fans of Star Trek about which Starfleet captain, James T. Kirk (of the original series) or Jean-Luc Picard (of The Next Generation), is better.
 * Hap claims to have participated in the 1988 Summer Olympics in Seoul, South Korea.
 * The scenes Hap describes appear in the 1990 film Ghost.
 * In the repair segment, Dalton mentions famous tennis player John McEnroe, noted for his bad temper.

Famous People

 * In Handyman Corner, Red mentions the 1965 musical group The Doors.