Men's Night On The Mountain

At long last, Harold is invited to spend a night out with Red and his pals. But Harold doesn't think much of the experience.

Cast (in order of appearance):, , , , , , , , ,

Segments: The Possum Lodge Word Game, Red's Campfire Songs, Talking Animals, Handyman Corner, That's What Friends Are For, Red's Visits with Possum Lodge Members, Red's Handyman Tips, Adventures With Bill, The Experts

DVD: Red Green: Stuffed and Mounted, Vol. 2

DVD Commentary by Steve Smith
STEVE SMITH: "Men's Night On the Mountain" was actually the very first episode of our fifth season up here in Canada. And the thing that stands out for me about this one is, uh, Graham Greene, certainly an accomplished dramatic actor. I met him at a, uh... I met him at an industry function, and he had seen The Red Green Show somewhere. I mean, on an airplane or an airport waiting area. Somewhere! Anyway... And he just thought it was so weird that he just wanted to be on it. He said, "What do I have to do to be on your show?" I said, "Well, you've just done it." So we created the Edgar K.B. Montrose character. And one the very first appearances by Graham was in this one, in this episode. And, uh, we knew that, uh... Everybody knows that Graham had been nominated for an Oscar in the movie Dances With Wolves. So we wanted to have a little bit of fun with that and let him have some fun with himself. So we did a little Experts segment based on the movies of today. Well, you'll see how it turned out.

Title sequence
''{The New Red Green Show intro plays. Cut to a shot of Garth stumbling over towards Red, clutching at his throat and pointing to his mouth, as though choking on something. Red, meanwhile, is looking into a paper bab.}''

RED GREEN: {voiceover} Hey, we got some new stuff to show you: Garth Harble, animal control officer, new guy at the Lodge!

{Cut to Red swinging an axe at a shopping cart full of snacks.}

RED GREEN: {voiceover} I'm gonna make something out of a shopping cart.

''{Cut to the Possum Lodge Word Game in progress. Dalton is the contestant and the word is "Sensitive".}''

RED GREEN: {voiceover} We got a new game called "Two On a Match" I think you're gonna enjoy.

''{Cut to Red and Edgar sitting on a couch together. Edgar says something and then throws up his arms in the air.}''

RED GREEN: {voiceover} And don't forget, it's men's night on the mountain!

The Possum Lodge Word Game
{Harold walks up to Red and Dalton Humphrey at the card table, holding the word sign.}

HAROLD GREEN: Okie-dokie, this is the big one! For a free wash and hot wax at Larry's Barber Shop! Uncle Red, you have 30 seconds to get Mr. Humphrey to say this word... {holds up a sign that says "Sensitive" and mouths the word} Thirty seconds, and go.

RED GREEN: All right, uh, aware.

DALTON HUMPHREY: Sober.

RED GREEN: Touchy.

DALTON HUMPHREY: Feely.

RED GREEN: Touchy-feely.

DALTON HUMPHREY: Richard Simmons?

RED GREEN: Compared to you, your wife is more...

DALTON HUMPHREY: ...overweight.

RED GREEN: Emotionally, she's more...

DALTON HUMPHREY: ...weepy– weepy– She's weepy!

RED GREEN: No, no, no, no, no, I'm saying, she notices things more, because she's...

DALTON HUMPHREY: ...picky.

HAROLD GREEN: You're almost out of time. Uncle Red!

RED GREEN: Alright, alright, Dalton! Oh, Dalton, you would never say to your wife that she's picky, overweight or weepy, because...

DALTON HUMPHREY: {perplexed} Castration?

''{Red shakes his head in frustration. Then he gets an idea.}''

RED GREEN: Alright, alright, alright, alright, okay. Dalton, the vertical hold on your television set...

DALTON HUMPHREY: Sensitive.

{Red rings the bell to end the game.}

Red's Campfire Song
{Red plays guitar, while Harold clicks two spoons together.}

RED GREEN: {singing}
 * Oh, Duffy's joints, (?) and loud,
 * Is where they all were breaking.
 * He twisted his knuckles and cracked his knees.
 * He sounded like a popcorn maker.
 * He snapped his back and rippled his spine,
 * And did it all with a big stupid grin.
 * Then he slipped and fell 300 feet on a rock,
 * And that was the last crack we heard from him.

Segue: Garth Harble
{Garth stands outside his house, wearing a neck brace.}

GARTH HARBLE: Garth Harble here, animal control, {salutes} reminding you that wild animals can smell fear. 'Course, if it smells bad enough, why, they won't eat you. Hey, I'm alive.

That's What Friends Are For
{Red and Winston enter the room and walk up close to the camera.}

RED GREEN: Well, you're gonna pay for this till the moon passes China.

WINSTON ROTHSCHILD: Oh, boy. She comes home from work, stressed to tears, and blubbers out the five words that no man understands: "I just wanna be held."

RED GREEN: {shakes his head} And just because they were coming to the end of the break between "Wheel of Fortune" and "Jeopardy!", you tried to substitute a hug for a held. {shakes his head again}

WINSTON ROTHSCHILD: {also shaking his head} No. A little five-second hug? Don't you know that fifteen seconds is the absolute minimum for "I just wanna be held"?

RED GREEN: That extra ten seconds is gonna be the difference between the couch and the garage.

WINSTON ROTHSCHILD: Oh, yeah, and forget all about the bed. Oh, yeah. And you know what? You coulda held her for fifteen seconds if you'd've just used your head. All you had to do was tilt her a little bit over to the side, and then you could've seen "Jeopardy!" right over shoulder!

RED GREEN: You could've watched the whole half-hour, but you weren't thinking, were you?

WINSTON ROTHSCHILD: No. So now, it's time for a quick fix, and the best thing is to claim that, {feels his throat} you felt a little something coming on, and you didn't want to pass the bug onto her.

RED GREEN: Or, if you think you're up to the acting challenge, you could jump back with a startled look on your face and say, "Have you lost weight?"

Real-World References

 * During the Experts scene, Harold mentions Dances With Wolves.
 * On Dances With Wolves, Edgar mentions "the native guy" in that movie. He was most likely referring to Kicking Bird, who is played by Graham Greene, who, of course, portrays Edgar on the show.