Wind-Powered Boat

Red and his pals construct a boat that runs on wind power, using a windmill instead of a sail.

Cast (in order of appearance):, , , ,

Segments: Red's Campfire Songs, Handyman Corner, Red's Poetry, Hap Shaughnessy's Boat, Male Call, Adventures With Bill, Red and Harold On Life

Red's Campfire Song
{Red plays guitar while Harold clinks two spoons together}

RED GREEN:


 * Strongman Jack was a hell of a man.
 * If anyone can lift something, Strongman can.
 * I remember one day, just for a prank,
 * Jack tried to lift the holding tank.
 * He strained and he pulled with all his might.
 * Then there was a loud pop in his spleen coming out one of his body orifices and damn near killing a guy.

Handyman Corner
''{The "Handyman Corner" title appears. Red is standing in front of a red car with the Possum Van behind it. He holds a screwdriver in his hand.}''

RED GREEN: This week on Handyman Corner, we're gonna show ya how to change a headlight. Now, uh, I know– I know what you're saying, that everyone knows how to. Well, they don't, 'cause a lot of people don't know how to change a headlight. It's something you can do yourself, and not only do you save money, but it gives you a feeling of self-reliance, 'cause, y'know, you can't trust anyone. {turning to car} Now, this here is, uh, Bill Smith's car, and he told me he's got a headlight burned out, and, uh, so I thought I just, you know, kinda do him a favor and change the headlight. I might charge him five bucks, y'know?

{He tries to stick the screwdriver in behind one of the car's headlights' sockets, but it doesn't go very far.}

RED GREEN: Ah, so... Now, I'm not... The screwdriver's not big enough... {he puts the screwdriver down and picks up a long, flat tool} Uh, screwdrivers on these– Uh, I should say, the screws on these are way back in there. {he tries to push the tool back behind the headlight} But you know, who the heck designs these things? Probably mechanics. {he fails at getting at the screw with the flat tool} I can't see if the screw is a flathead or a, uh, Robertson or, uh... I can't see what kind it is. So, uh...

{He puts the screw down and picks up a crowbar.}

RED GREEN: Okay, we'll just, uh, try another method here. {he places the crowbar on the edge of the headlight} I think this'll just– I think this'll just pop right off here. {he tries to pry the headlight out of the socket, but to no avail} It's dug in there! {he places the bar on the other side} Maybe the other side. {he again tries to pry out the headlight, only to shatter the light, but still not remove it} Ah. All right, all right, um... {he puts the crowbar and picks up some wire} What we're gonna do now is, uh... Some wiring, I guess, is catching in there. We'll just use the, uh... This is a special tool that I keep in my closet.

{He sticks the wire into the socket behind the headlight .}

RED GREEN: This is some metal or something back here. {he pulls out some wire} Oh, let's see here... {he takes a pair of wire clippers} All right, uh, you know, I think the wiring is the thing that's messin' this up, so we'll just clip that outta there. {he clips the headlight wires} Y'know, these new cars, they got so much wiring on there, y'know, it's just that, the more things go wrong. You know, it was just occurring to me, I think, this is one of these modern cars, this is the type where the hood– the headlight comes out from behind, like from the back. So what you need to do is open the hood.

''{Red opens the door of the car and gets in. He turns the car on.}''

RED GREEN: Uh, try this...

{Red backs the car up – right into the Possum Van, hitting it on the front.}

RED GREEN: Uh, that's not it...

''{Red finally pushes the hood button. The hood unlocks.}''

RED GREEN: All right.

''{Red gets out the car, closing the door behind him as he goes. He returns to the headlight.}''

RED GREEN: Okay, I think things will go a little better now. {he tries to open the hood, but it won't budge} Oh, for God sake! {he picks up the crowbar and uses it to pry the hood open} Oh, safety! {he lifts the hood up with his hands} Yeah, yeah, yeah! Okay. {he holds the hood rod up to lock the hood in place open and sniffs inside the engine under the hood} All right, yeah, I can– I can her out from the inside here, but I'm gonna– I'm gonna have to take a few things {the message "Stay Tuned" appears on the screen momentarily} to get at her there. {he picks up a tool and reaches into the hood}

Red's Poetry: Summer 1
{Red is seen sitting on a bench on a hot summer day.}

RED GREEN: It is summer. You run down the beach and embrace the surf. The ocean responds with a huge wave that removes your trunks. It's your first brush with summer love. And crayfish.

Red's Poetry: Summer 2
{Red is seen sitting on a bench on a hot summer day.}

RED GREEN: It is summer. You've eaten so many salads, you're tuning into a rabbit. It was your wife's idea.

Red's Poetry: Summer 3
{Red is seen sitting on a bench on a hot summer day.}

RED GREEN: It is summer. In the shade of an apple tree, you relax with a mint julep or nine. Summer is no time for stress. You casually forget your aunt's birthday. She thanks you.